How Did I Get From There to Here?

Q – I have seen myself as a Relater/Organizer for as long as I can remember. Yet through my CORE MAP facilitation, I discovered that I am actually a Commander/Entertainer.  How could I have been so off the mark for my entire life?

I found the traits listed for Commander and Entertainer so much more appealing, desirable and energizing than the traits for Relater and Organizer. Why didn’t I know that before?  I’ve always envied people who expressed as positive Commanders and Entertainers, but never considered that I envied them and wanted to be like them because that was my true nature.  I can’t tell you how happy I am to know that I am actually a Commander/Entertainer.  People who know me can see that something is different and I want to explain the amazing journey I have taken from lost to found, but I’m not sure how I got there. Can you explain how I got from the old inauthentic me that I struggled with to the new me that feels so deliciously right? 


A  – CORE MAP is a system for discovering the true self, not a one dimensional assessment that simply reflects what an individual believes, even when the belief is erroneous. Assessments which do that are simply reporting the mask of acceptance we put on as children and the results of such assessments just validate the misconception. It’s a real travesty too because we can never be great until we are authentic and we can never be authentic until we take off that mask and discover who we really are.

Everyone loves their true nature and is energized by it, and everyone is drained to some extent when they are functioning from a conditioned style.

The CORE MAP system looks at an individual from five angles, two of which come through the facilitator. The five angles are (1) current self-perception, (2) current functioning, (3) current development levels and coping patterns, (4) non-verbal presentation of self and (5) verbal narratives. Computers are not yet sophisticated enough to do the last two effectively, and may never be, which is why we teach these skills to our coaches and why CORE MAP is a facilitated assessment.

Part 1 of CORE MAP reports current self-perception. When non-verbal presentation and what you report verbally point in a different direction, that direction is always explored. Your non-verbal presentation is clearly extroverted as are your verbal narratives. Both Relater and Organizer are introverts.

Self perception becomes flawed when we are very young, which is why during our consultation I asked you about family dynamics when you were young.  The answers you gave to the questions I asked led me to explore the apparent options with you. Your energy, both nonverbal and reported, around Commander and Entertainer, as compared to Relater and Organizer, made it quite clear that C/E was your natural state. Your energetic responses to the four styles are very accurate reflections of your truth.

The development patterns in part 3 of CORE MAP show how all four trait sets have been affected by conditioning and your patterns around Relater and Organizer suggested a lot of stress in relation to those styles.  By exploring the reasons for the stress, it was clear that you adopted those styles due to conditioning. Your post-facilitation report reflects your truth rather than your conditioning.

We got from the conditioned place to authentic one based on your responses to questions and your nonverbal and energetic responses. But how you got there isn’t as important as how you feel there.  Transitioning from conditioned confinement to authentic freedom is a wonderful and exhilarating journey. Just being aware of your authentic self can affect positive changes which you feel and others can see. You can speed your progress in developing your natural traits to their highest potential by enlisting the help of a good Quantum Leap Coach. 

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Debunking Myths About Introverts

There is a persistent and seemingly perpetual notion that extroversion and sociability are one and the same. They aren’t. The true definition of sociability is “liking to be with and talk to other people; involving or allowing friendly and pleasant social relations.”  The true definition of extroversion is “the act, state, or habit of being predominantly concerned with and obtaining gratification from what is outside the self; to direct ones interest outward to things outside the self.”

Because of this persistent and wholly erroneous notion, there are tens of thousands of extroverts who believe they are introverts. A recent Huffington Post article, which resulted in the author, Carolyn Gregoire, being interviewed on the Today Show, had obvious extroverts, such as Today Show host Brooke Shields speculating that she must be an introvert. Gregoire, even claimed that outlandishly bold types such as Lady Gaga, Kim Kardashian, Christina Aguilera and 40% of CEOs are introverts. Sorry Carolyn, but you’re way off base.  

I am reproducing the article in its entirety here so I can address the many errors and, hopefully, set a bunch of extroverts free.  My comments are in a different font color to distinguish them from the article content.  

23 Signs You’re Secretly An Introvert

The Huffington Post  |  By Carolyn Gregoire

 Think you can spot an introvert in a crowd? Think again. Although the stereotypical introvert may be the one at the party who’s hanging out alone by the food table fiddling with an iPhone, the “social butterfly” can just as easily have an introverted personality.

Actually, you can spot an introvert in a crowd if you know what you are looking for and are actually looking at the right things. The 23 “signs” True introverts will rarely if ever be a “social butterfly.” Those with a strong extroverted secondary style might move into that arena on occasion, but don’t count on ever seeing one.

“Spotting the introvert can be harder than finding Waldo,” Sophia Dembling, author of “The Introvert’s Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World,” tells The Huffington Post. “A lot of introverts can pass as extroverts.”

REALITY: There are FAR more extroverts that appear to be introverts than the other way around. Extroverts are bold as children and it is not at all uncommon for parents, schools and churches to condition that out of them quite early.  The vast majority of people who feel dissatisfied as adults and are still searching for themselves, are extroverts who have been shoved into an introvert box as a child.

People are frequently unaware that they’re introverts -– especially if they’re not shy — because they may not realize that being an introvert is about more than just cultivating time alone. Instead, it can be more instructive to pay attention to whether they’re losing or gaining energy from being around others, even if the company of friends gives them pleasure.

REALITY: Whether one loses or gains energy from being around other people is more a function of feeling than of introversion or extroversion. Both thinking types (Commander, the extroverted thinking type and Organizer, the introverted thinking type) prefer things to people and are drained by too much social interaction. Both of the feeling types (Entertainer, the extroverted feeling type and Relater, the introverted feeling type) enjoy being around people and are energized by them. The difference in the introverted Relater and the extroverted Entertainer is that Entertainers actively seek people out and don’t mind having quite a few of them around. Relaters wait for people to approach them and prefer to have only a few around at a time.

“Introversion is a basic temperament, so the social aspect — which is what people focus on — is really a small part of being an introvert,” Dr. Marti Olsen Laney, psychotherapist and author of “The Introvert Advantage,” said in a Mensa discussion. “It affects everything in your life.”

 REALITY: This is a true statement, but it gets lost in the rest of the article.

Despite the growing conversation around introversion, it remains a frequently misunderstood personality trait. As recently as 2010, the American Psychiatric Association even considered classifying “introverted personality” as a disorder by listing it in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5), a manual used to diagnose mental illness.

REALITY: The propensity of the American Psychiatric Association to turn any “unusual” behavior into a “disorder” these days so they can collect insurance for dispensing drugs to people who really don’t need them and who, in many cases, are actually harmed by them, just burns me up! That they would even consider labeling introversion as a disorder is outrageous!  It doesn’t surprise me though. They labeled a perfectly natural personality type (those who lead with Entertainer) as ADD and then ADHD, and are now drugging children as young as 5 years old when all the vast majority of them need is a little maturity (which, without drugs stunting development, generally comes with age) and learning good coping skills.

But more and more introverts are speaking out about what it really means to be a “quiet” type.

Not sure if you’re an innie or an outie? See if any of these 23 telltale signs of introversion apply to you.

1. You find small talk incredibly cumbersome.

Introverts are notoriously small talk-phobic, as they find idle chatter to be a source of anxiety, or at least annoyance. For many quiet types, chitchat can feel disingenuous.

“Let’s clear one thing up: Introverts do not hate small talk because we dislike people,” Laurie Helgoe writes in Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength. “We hate small talk because we hate the barrier it creates between people.”

REALITY: Commanders, who are most definitely not introverted, hate small talk. As I pointed out in the blog titled Why Meyers-Briggs Got It Wrong,”  there are two ways to extrovert energy: action and interaction. Commanders extrovert their energy through action. To take a specific action and succeed at it requires planning and strategizing, and people can get in the way of that. Commanders recharge by going into action; getting things done; accomplishing goals. When people get in the way of this, Commanders have no problem excluding them. They also have no problem including people when having them around improves the odds of getting the results the Commander is after. Commanders actively avoid parties that have no purpose, for example, but will readily go to a business event that has a purpose, no matter how many people are there, and they easily interact with people they think can help them achieve their goals, which leads us to the fallacy of item 2.

2. You go to parties -– but not to meet people.

If you’re an introvert, you may sometimes enjoy going to parties, but chances are, you’re not going because you’re excited to meet new people. At a party, most introverts would rather spend time with people they already know and feel comfortable around. If you happen to meet a new person that you connect with, great — but meeting people is rarely the goal.

REALITY:  Meeting people is rarely the goal for extroverted Commanders and connecting with people is almost always the goal for introverted Relaters. Again, the difference lies in the feeling/thinking functions. The real difference between introverts and extroverts is that introverts are cautious in approaching new people and new situations where extroverts are bold. Extroverted thinking types (Commanders) are bold when it comes to taking action where extroverted feeling types (Entertainers) are bold when it comes to interaction (sociability). Introverted thinking types (Organizers) avoid people and prefer only a few select people in any part of their lives. And they would almost rather take a beating than go to a party. Introverted feeling types (Relaters) will actually go out of their way to meet people, but are cautious in their approach. Once they feel comfortable though, they can be almost as sociable as an Entertainer and are far better hosts and hostesses because they are attentive to the needs of others. 

3. You often feel alone in a crowd.

Ever feel like an outsider in the middle of social gatherings and group activities, even with people you know?

“If you tend to find yourself feeling alone in a crowd, you might be an introvert,” says Dembling. “We might let friends or activities pick us, rather than extending our own invitations.”

REALITY: Many Commanders report that they don’t enjoy social situations so don’t make the effort to meet people just to be meeting them. Commanders often feel very much like an outsider in situations where people are being frivolous or lack seriousness or purpose. Their common question: “What’s the point?”  To a Commander, everything has to have a point; a logical reason. People getting together and talking about unimportant things just makes no sense to them. And it isn’t about introversion at all. Commanders are quite bold. It’s about what feel like an effective and efficient use of their time. 

4. Networking makes you feel like a phony.

Networking (read: small-talk with the end goal of advancing your career) can feel particularly disingenuous for introverts, who crave authenticity in their interactions.

“Networking is stressful if we do it in the ways that are stressful to us,” Dembling says, advising introverts to network in small, intimate groups rather than at large mixers.

REALITY: Feeling like a “phony” has absolutely nothing to do with introversion or extroversion and everything to do with authenticity.  While it’s true that introverts are less comfortable networking with strangers, if they are presenting themselves honestly and not trying to put up a false front, they won’t feel phony. Any type will feel phony if they are presenting themselves in ways that are inconsistent with their image of their self.

5. You’ve been called “too intense.”

Do you have a penchant for philosophical conversations and a love of thought-provoking books and movies? If so, you’re a textbook introvert.

“Introverts like to jump into the deep end,” says Dembling.

REALITY: Of all the types, there is no one more intense than a Commander. Organizer, the introverted thinking type, comes close, but because Commanders are both serious and bold, they come across as far more intense than the more cautious Organizer. No one would call a Relater, the introverted feeling type, “intense.”  They are actually quite laid back and easy-going. People see Relaters, both male and female, as friendly and approachable.

6. You’re easily distracted.

While extroverts tend to get bored easily when they don’t have enough to do, introverts have the opposite problem — they get easily distracted and overwhelmed in environments with an excess of stimulation.

“Extroverts are commonly found to be more easily bored than introverts on monotonous tasks, probably because they require and thrive on high levels of stimulation,” Clark University researchers wrote in a paper published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. “In contrast, introverts are more easily distracted than extroverts and, hence, prefer relatively unstimulating environments.”

REALITY: This couldn’t be more wrong! Introverts tend to be very focused and purposeful. There is no type more distractible than Entertainers, the feeling extrovert. Those who get labeled ADD or ADHD almost always lead with Entertainer.  Introverts do get overwhelmed more readily than extroverts, but not distracted. In fact, Organizers, the introverted thinking types, are the most focused of the four types. They tend to get intensely involved in what they are doing and delight in attending to every detail. There’s a big difference between distractibility and sensitivity to external stimulation. Confusing the two is a mistake. 

7. Downtime doesn’t feel unproductive to you.

One of the most fundamental characteristics of introverts is that they need time alone to recharge their batteries. Whereas an extrovert might get bored or antsy spending a day at home alone with tea and a stack of magazines, this sort of down time feels necessary and satisfying to an introvert.

REALITY: This is basically true. What needs to be understood however, is that not accomplishing something is the reason a Commander would get “antsy.” They certainly aren’t sitting at home wishing they were interacting with people. They tend to be quite happy at home all alone as long as they are accomplishing something.

8. Giving a talk in front of 500 people is less stressful than having to mingle with those people afterwards.

Introverts can be excellent leaders and public speakers — and although they’re stereotyped as being the shrinking violet, they don’t necessarily shy away from the spotlight. Performers like Lady Gaga, Christina Aguilera and Emma Watson all identify as introverts, and an estimated 40 percent of CEOs have introverted personalities. Instead, an introvert might struggle more with meeting and greeting large groups of people on an individual basis.

REALITY: Of the people named above, only one of them, Emma Watson, is actually an introvert. Take a look at the pictures of these four women and notice the difference in their energy. 

Emma WatsonLady GagaChristina AguileraBrooke Shields

Notice how soft and approachable Emma Watson looks compared to the other three who have a powerful and determined look about them. The determined look is the look of the Commander—lead, follow, or get out of the way. Notice how similar the energy of Lady Gaga, Christina Aguilera and Brooke Shields is. Lady Gaga, whose demeanor is more serious, probably has Organizer as a secondary style where Christina Aguilera and Brooke Shields appear to have Entertainer as their secondary style, which means Christina Aguilera and Brooke Shields are double extroverts since both Commander and Entertainer are extroverted styles.  

And, when you see Emma Watson in action, its pretty clear that her secondary style is Entertainer, so even for her, introversion is not a strong preference.  

Based on years of research, I can state unequivocally that the vast majority of Actors, CEOs and public speakers lead with either Commander or Entertainer—both extroverted styles.  In fact, in the world of acting, finding true introverts is quite a challenge. (Click on the CORE Types tab to see how to recognize the types.) 

  9. When you get on the subway, you sit at the end of the bench -– not in the middle.

Whenever possible, introverts tend to avoid being surrounded by people on all sides. “We’re likely to sit in places where we can get away when we’re ready to — easily,” says Dembling. “When I go to the theater, I want the aisle seat or the back seat.”

REALITY: Commanders almost always do this if that option exists because they tend to be action oriented rather than people oriented and sitting on the end gives them a greater sense of control and lessens their odds of having to interact with a random stranger, which they see as pointless.  

10. You start to shut down after you’ve been active for too long.

Do you start to get tired and unresponsive after you’ve been out and about for too long? It’s likely because you’re trying to conserve energy. Everything introverts do in the outside world causes them to expend energy, after which they’ll need to go back and replenish their stores in a quiet environment, says Dembling. Short of a quiet place to go, many introverts will resort to zoning out.

REALITY: All people “get tired and unresponsive” after they have “been out too long” and everyone needs to conserve energy.  The flaw in this point is that it suggests that only introverts shut down when they have been active for “too long.”  All types, even the most extroverted, eventually run out of steam and need to recharge their batteries.  Introverts get worn down by a lot of activity and interaction faster than extroverts do, but everyone needs to recharge when they have “been active for too long.”  You could compare the endurance of an introvert in dealing with a lot of activity and interaction to that of a beginning weight lifter. They can go through the routines, but get tired and need to rest sooner than the strong power builder would. But, even the power builder will get exhausted eventually and need to rest.

11. You’re in a relationship with an extrovert.

It’s true that opposites attract, and introverts frequently gravitate towards outgoing extroverts who encourage them to have fun and not take themselves too seriously.

“Introverts are sometimes drawn to extroverts because they like being able to ride their ‘fun bubble,'” Dembling says.

REALITY: While it’s true that opposites attract, relationships between two extroverts or two introverts is quite common. In the United States about 73% of the population is extroverted so, if extroverts didn’t date or marry one another, more than half the population would never be in a relationship.  The fact is, most extroverted women actively seek extroverted men because extroverted men fit the male stereotype which women have been told is how men should be. Commander women who are comfortable with their power often marry introverted Relater males because Relater males are supportive of their mates and don’t try to control them.

12. You’d rather be an expert at one thing than try to do everything.

The dominant brain pathways introverts use is one that allows you to focus and think about things for a while, so they’re geared toward intense study and developing expertise, according to Olsen Laney.

REALITY: Hmmm… let’s see… Introverts are easily distracted (claim #6) but they would rather be an expert at one thing and the “dominant pathways introverts use is one that allows <them> to focus and think.”  Does anyone else see a problem here? The fact is, introverts are absolutely not easily distracted!  Besides the introversion preference, they also prefer the sensing function, which gives them great powers of observation and focus. Moreover, a preference for doing one thing well rather than trying to do many things is a function of emotional intelligence, not of introversion or extroversion. While sticking to just one thing is generally a stretch for Entertainers, Commanders are notorious for preferring to excel at one thing. 

13. You actively avoid any shows that might involve audience participation.

Because really, is anything more terrifying?

REALITY: Again, this can apply to any of the types because it is a fear response, not a function of introversion. Introverts are more sensitive to external stimuli so are more likely to avoid high stimulus situation such as audience participation, but I know plenty of extroverts that avoid such things, especially Commanders because they don’t like trivial things and they don’t like looking like a fool.  Of the four types, only Entertainers are comfortable with this type of thing.  

14. You screen all your calls — even from friends.

You may not pick up your phone even from people you like, but you’ll call them back as soon as you’re mentally prepared and have gathered the energy for the conversation.

“To me, a ringing phone is like having somebody jump out of a closet and go ‘BOO!,'” says Dembling. “I do like having a long, nice phone call with a friend — as long as it’s not jumping out of the sky at me.”

REALITY: I am a double extrovert (Commander/Entertainer) and I do this. So do most of the other people I know who lead with Commander. It’s more time and energy efficient.   

15. You notice details that others don’t.

The upside of being overwhelmed by too much stimuli is that introverts often have a keen eye for detail, noticing things that may escape others around them. Research has found that introverts exhibit increased brain activity when processing visual information, as compared to extroverts.

REALITY: Introverts do notice details far better than extroverts, but not because they are “being overwhelmed by too much stimuli.”   When Introverts feel overwhelmed, they shut down. And when any of us shut down, we don’t get more proficient at anything. The reason introverts notice details is because they prefer the sensing function which is the function we all use when we are paying attention in the moment, or being vigilant.    

16. You have a constantly running inner monologue.

“Extroverts don’t have the same internal talking as we do,” says Olsen Laney. “Most introverts need to think first and talk later.”

REALITY: No one has a more constantly running inner dialogue than Entertainers. They tend to be very quick minded and are always thinking about the next new thing they will try or the next thing they will say in a conversation. They spend so much time on internal dialogue that they are often not very good listeners.  This is not the case for introverts. Both types of introvert are very good listeners and you can’t listen with a constant stream of “internal talking” going on. Introverts DO process information internally before they speak, but internal processing is not the same as internal conversation. 

17. You have low blood pressure.

2006 Japanese study found that introverts tend to have lower blood pressure than their extroverted counterparts.

No comment here in that I have not researched this, except to say that, as a double extrovert, I have had low blood pressure all my life. Blood pressure tends to increase for a lot of reasons; stress, diet, environment, mindset, etc. To assume that the lower blood pressure found in Japanese people is related to introversion is a pretty big stretch. 

18. You’ve been called an “old soul” -– since your 20s.

Introverts observe and take in a lot of information, and they think before they speak, leading them to appear wise to others.

“Introverts tend to think hard and be analytical,” says Dembling. “That can make them seem wise.”

REALITY: Wisdom is a product of life experience and conscious living, not demeanor or “attitude” as Swiss psychologist, Carl Jung, called the preferences for extroversion and introversion. While quietness can be seen as wisdom by some, it can also be seen as dullness and often is by the more extroverted types. “Old soul” wisdom comes from living consciously, which is a function of maturity, not of introversion. I work with conscious leaders and business owners and they are all avid learners, as am I. While introverts do take in a lot of information, it isn’t what we know, it’s what we DO with what we know. Lifelong learners like the ones I work with not only take in a lot of information, they also filter out what has no value and do something meaningful and useful with the rest.      

19. You don’t feel “high” from your surroundings

Neurochemically speaking, things like huge parties just aren’t your thing. Extroverts and introverts differ significantly in how their brains process experiences through “reward” centers.

REALITY: Again, Commanders hate parties and anything else that feels trivial or pointless. They get “high” from accomplishing goals.

Researchers demonstrated this phenomenon by giving Ritalin — the ADHD drug that stimulates dopamine production in the brain — to introverted and extroverted college students. They found that extroverts were more likely to associate the feeling of euphoria achieved by the rush of dopamine with the environment they were in. Introverts, by contrast, did not connect the feeling of reward to their surroundings. The study “suggests that introverts have a fundamental difference in how strongly they process rewards from their environment, with the brains of introverts weighing internal cues more strongly than external motivational and reward cues,” explained LiveScience’s Tia Ghose.

REALITY: The reason introverts are introverts is because they are too easily stimulated and must avoid stimulation to maintain a sense of equilibrium. Extroverts are extroverts because they are not easily stimulated and must go seeking stimulation to maintain a sense of equilibrium. Ritalin is a stimulant. Of course introverts are going to react to it differently. And, since extroverts go seeking stimulation in the external world where introverts avoid it, of course they would relate the stimulation with the external world. What does this really prove?

20. You look at the big picture.

When describing the way that introverts think, Jung explained that they’re more interested in ideas and the big picture rather than facts and details. Of course, many introverts excel in detail-oriented tasks — but they often have a mind for more abstract concepts as well.

“Introverts do really enjoy abstract discussion,” says Dembling.

REALITY: What?!  This is the complete opposite of the reality and about as far from being accurate as you can get. Commanders and Entertainers, the extroverted, intuitive, types are the big picture people. You can read Carl Jung’s Psychological Types from cover to cover and you will never find what Gregoire claims here. Both of the introverted types prefer facts and details. Organizers like and attend to details around things (numbers, fine art, technology). Relaters like and attend to details around people and aesthetics.      

21. You’ve been told to “come out of your shell.”

Many introverted children come to believe that there’s something “wrong” with them if they’re naturally less outspoken and assertive than their peers. Introverted adults often say that as children, they were told to come out of their shells or participate more in class.

REALITY: Introverts tend to do well in school except when it comes to speaking up. Encouraging them to participate more does occur and is actually a great exercise in expanding an introvert’s comfort zone. Extroverts get far more conditioning in school than introverts do. Why? Because they are bold types who speak up more readily than most school teachers like. Where the introverts are asked to participate more, the extroverts are often told to be quiet.

22. You’re a writer.

Introverts are often better at communicating in writing than in person, and many are drawn to the solitary, creative profession of writing. Most introverts — like “Harry Potter” author J.K. Rowling — say that they feel most creatively charged when they have time to be alone with their thoughts.

REALITY: Introverts can be writers, but most are not. And many of our most popular books, especially non-fiction books, are penned by extroverts. This is definitely not a way to determine whether you are an introvert.  

23. You alternate between phases of work and solitude, and periods of social activity.

Introverts can move around their introverted “set point” which determines how they need to balance solitude with social activity. But when they move too much — possibly by over-exerting themselves with too much socializing and busyness — they get stressed and need to come back to themselves, according Olsen Laney. This may manifest as going through periods of heightened social activity, and then balancing it out with a period of inwardness and solitude.

“There’s a recovery point that seems to be correlated with how much interaction you’ve done,” says Dembling. “We all have our own private cycles.”

REALITY: This is true for virtually everyone.  There isn’t a person on the planet that doesn’t alternate between phases of work and solitude, and only hermits fail to alternate between solitude and social interaction.  We all need to do something to survive even if it’s only picking up a fork and putting food into our mouths and we all need time alone, even if it’s only in the bathroom. I’m assuming that by “we all have our own private cycles” Dembling is referring to introverts, but that statement holds true for all people.


To Recap:

  • There is a big difference between shyness and introversion. Shyness is a fear based response that results in anxiety in social situations. Introversion is a stimulation avoidance response and has nothing to do with fear.  There is also a big difference between sociability and extroversion.
  • Both introversion and extroversion are means of maintaining emotional equilibrium. Everyone gets to a place of overstimulation at some point and overstimulation results in anxiety for everyone. There isn’t a person on the planet that doesn’t need to withdraw at some point of stimulation to regain a sense of equilibrium.

  • It is commonly assumed, as was the case for Carolyn Gregoire, lifestyle editor of the Huffington Post, that extroversion can be determined through the degree of social interaction an individual tolerates. Sociability is just one aspect of Extroversion and not one Commanders prefer to use.
  • Based on the above list, Brooke Shields, one of the hosts of the Today Show who is actually a very strong extrovert, believes she is an introvert. Why? Because she leads with the Commander Style and Commanders don’t extrovert their energy through interaction. They are action oriented, not socially inclined.
  • According to Gregoire, Lady Gaga, Kim Cardashian, Christina Aguilera and 40% of CEOs are introverts. Every single one of the people named by Gregoire, except Emma Watson lead with Commander.

  • Gregoire says some introverts “really thrive in the spotlight.” Says many introverts are “great leaders, great speakers, great actors and actresses.”  She qualifies her assumption that these are introverts by saying, “after they have been in the spotlight, they need to go home and rest and recharge and spend some time alone rather than going out and being around a bunch of people all the time.” She says “what is taxing for an introvert is constantly meeting people and being in very stimulating social environments where they have to do a lot of meet and greets and sort of really excessive social interaction.” There is only one type among the four that loves social interaction: Entertainers. Commanders endure it as necessary to accomplish their goals. Organizers (who are introverts) avoid it as much as possible and Relaters (who are also introverts) love it on a small scale and generally prefer to have others approach them rather than approaching others. 
  • The psychiatrist, Charles Sophy, who appeared on the Today show with Gregoire, stated that you can spot an introvert by determining whether they are a “self-charger.”  We are ALL self-chargers. It’s just a matter of how we do that.

The Extroverts

Commanders self-charge by going into action; getting things done; accomplishing goals. People often get in the way of this and, when they do Commanders have no problem excluding them. They also have no problem  including people when their being around improves the odds of getting the result the Commander is after. 

Entertainers self-charge by interacting with people. They love the experience and excitement of adventure and novelty, and people enhance those experiences. 

The Introverts

Organizers self-charge through time alone perfecting some project. Whether it’s technology, science, music, art or anything else, they get pleasure from making sure it’s done right. The concept of jovial play is foreign to Organizers. They approach all of life from a rather serious perspective. Their position is that you can’t play your way to excellence.

Relaters self-charge through connecting with loved ones and creating harmonious environments and relationships. They are energized by seeing the lives of those they care about enhanced in some way and knowing they had a hand in making that happen.


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When Your Natural Self Gets Crammed Into a Box

Q – I must be doing something wrong. I only ask thoughtful questions as you taught, but almost all of the people who come to me for help end up being some combination of Commander and Entertainer (Commander/Entertainer, Entertainer/Commander, True Commander, True Entertainer and occasionally Commander/Organizer or Entertainer/Relater).  I’m afraid I’m somehow influencing them. How do I avoid doing that?

A – As long as you are asking thoughtful questions and not leading questions or making leading statements, you can be sure you are not influencing your clients’ choices. Child in a Box The reason most of your clients end up as some combination of Commander and/or Entertainer is because those are the two styles which most frequently get conditioned into a compliant box as children. The two cautious types, Relater and Organizer, are easy to manage as children so, with one exception, which I’ll cover later, they are allowed to grow up in accordance with their nature. Relater Child-Female

Little Relaters are easy-going, obedient and compliant. Their primary goal is to please others and they readily comply in order to do that. They are quiet, gentle and unobtrusive, and they love to cuddle.

Little Organizers are quiet and unobtrusive too though they are not as inclined to cuddle as toddlers. They play quietlyOrganizer Child out of the way of others, follow the rules, keep their toys picked up and their room clean. Relaters and Organizers are the same in school. In fact school systems were designed by Organizers to fit the Organizer way of doing things; sit quietly, follow the rules, don’t speak without permission, attend to the details, get things right.  Because Relaters are introverts and want to please, they fit into the school system far better than either of the bold types. Why would any parent want to change the behaviors of a Relater or an Organizer?

The two extroverts, Commanders and Entertainers, are a whole different story. They are bold by nature. They come into the world that way. The problem is, these bold babies don’t yet have any coping skills so they throw tantrums, they get into things as they boldly explore their world, they learn to say “no” very quickly and to resist the attempts of their parents to control them. Commander Child-Female

By the age of two, little Commanders are certain they can run the show and they stubbornly try. They begin asserting their right to decide quite early and are directing anyone who will follow by the time they are three.  Those who try to control them are generally in for a quite a challenge because little Commander can dig in their heels and stand their ground much longer than most adults are willing or able to handle.

By the time they learn to talk, little Entertainers are talking Entertainer Child-Male2everyone’s ear off, asking “why” questions a thousand times a day and regularly interrupting adult conversations to redirect everyone’s attention to whatever they consider noteworthy, which is almost everything.  They make colorful drawings, do cartwheels, bounce around to music, delight in a cartoon, make a funny face, put on a sock for the first time, paint their hands or faces…whatever it takes to entertain. All of life is an adventure and all adventures are worthy of being shared to little Entertainers.

Bold toddlers are a handful and the response from almost all adults is to rein them in. They get the message quite early in life that being who they came into the world to be is not alright; that they have to be different if they are to be accepted so they begin to adjust their behaviors to fit the accepted “norms.” Our number one need as human beings is to be accepted and, when we aren’t, we adjust to fit in.

There are only two ways to adjust; model what we are shown or reject it. Those who model it, tend to lose themselves and therefore, lose their way in the process if the model doesn’t align with their nature. Those who reject it, are fighting to keep their sense of self, which is the healthiest of the two responses, but the effect is that they become angry and difficult to manage. They become rebellious teenagers and, if they never get past the anger, they grow up to be difficult (or at least, highly frustrated) adults.

Beyond the conditioning they get at home, bold children are highly conditioned in school. Commanders want to move through things quickly and get to the bottom line. They are impatient with the slow, methodical approach typically taken in schools. They get bored and mentally check out which can result in less than stellar grades.

Like Commanders, Entertainers are quick minded, but they are also highly sociable and tend to resist dealing with details. Entertainers also get bored with a teacher standing at the front of the room droning on about something the Entertainer finds of little interest. But, where Commander children will sit and doodle or dream up ideas to keep themselves occupied in the slow moving school environment, Entertainers get creative and sociable. They draw pictures, they talk to the children close by, they pass notes, they make noise to get attention, they stare out the window at a more interesting world. And they get lots of notes sent home stating that they were disruptive in class.

Entertainer children are often diagnosed as ADD or ADHD which is a huge travesty and a real pet peeve of mine.  They are most definitely NOT attention deficit. In fact, they pay attention to everything! They see the leaves rustling on the trees outside the schoolroom window. They see the fly on the ceiling. They hear the wind through the trees and the cars going by. They see the foot of the child three rows up bouncing impatiently. They see and attend to everything. It’s how their quick brain works.  They may not focus on one thing for long, but the vast majority of them are not attention deficit. That their brains go faster than the slow pace of the typical school system is really not a deficit in the child. It’s a deficit in the school system. But what happens? Parents get pressured into giving their child drugs to slow their brain down; drugs with horrible side effects, both physically and psychologically. These children are taught that (1) there is something wrong with them and (2) drugs are the answer.

Studies show that children who were given “ADHD” drugs such as Ritalin or Adderall when they were in grade school are 13 times more likely to abuse drugs as teens and young adults than is average. I could write a book on the travesty of drugging children into compliance, but that wasn’t what you wanted to know.

To answer your question: the reason most of your clients turn out to be Commanders, Entertainers or some combination of these is because they were born bold children and they got conditioned into a box to ensure they conformed to family, school or societal expectations.  They are like race horses whose nature is to run, but who have been harnessed and hitched to a plow. Being constrained eventually becomes too uncomfortable to bear so they go searching for help.

Most people who seek a coach for personal growth or to find their purpose or passion in life fit into this category. The one exception you will find is Relater males who have been conditioned toward Commander (the male stereotype).  Many gentle, feeling Relater males get pushed to be more like the stereotype because that’s what we have mistakenly been taught to believe that men should be like. I have had many Relater males tell me they were called a “wimp” or a “woos” by their father, teased and bullied in school and made to feel less than a man because they weren’t the tough, macho guy of the stereotype.  The truth is, Relater males are just as masculine as Commander males. They just express it in different ways.

Studies show that 73% of the U.S. population are extroverts. Our research over 20 years and tens of thousands of CORE profiles suggest that a large percentage of them don’t know that. In fact, 84% of that population are so identified with the mask of conformity they put on as a child, that they don’t know who they are or what they want from life. It’s these people who go searching for a coach.  So the odds that the authentic style of your clients will be some combination of Commander or Entertainer is quite high. 

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The Origin and “Cure” for Bi-polar Disorder

Q – I have a client who told me she has bi-polar and anxiety disorder. She is on trileptal, welbutrin, and Klonopin and says they aren’t really helping her.  I have never worked with client with bi-polar disorder. Is there any advice you can give me on how to help her?

A – Most people who express as “bi-polar” are battling the results of childhood conditioning which deeply suppressed their true nature.

What happens here is that, as the individual gets away from the source of their conditioning (parents, teachers, preachers, etc) their nature tries to express. The “manic” side of bi-polarism occurs when the individual allows their natural self to emerge. We all find joy and a sense of elation when we are functioning authentically and in harmony with our nature.


However, in someone who has been conditioned away from their true nature, it was not allowed to express and mature when they were children so when it emerges, it shows up as immature and undeveloped which can feel scary because the emotions seem out of control.

As soon as the individual becomes aware of this, the conditioning leaps back into action and shuts the natural style down with a “What do you think you’re doing?” kind of criticism. The critical message reins the individual back in which prompts them to abandon their natural style and get back into the conditioned box they have spent most of their life in.

The problem is, they have tasted the joy of their natural style so the conditioned box is even less appealing and feels even more uncomfortable than it did before they experienced that delicious freedom. Then the increased awareness of the discomfort of the box deepens the depression.

This back and forth cycle of Mania (uncontrolled joy) and depression (uncontrolled sadness) is simply the individual’s nature trying to help them get out of the box and let go of the conditioning that is not allowing them to get too far from it. Most people can’t do this on their own because they don’t know who they are authentically and they don’t know what to expect so they can be prepared. The vast majority of people don’t really need a therapist to do this.  Most actually do far better with a CORE Coach.

When people become aware of their true self and the conditioned message that has kept them in the box, they quickly develop in the direction of their authentic self and, when that occurs, the bi-polar effect disappears, not just temporarily, but permanently. I’ve seen it happen many times.

The problem is that the space between the very controlled person who has occupied that box for so long and the free, joyful person living authentically can be messy. There is a growing up process that must occur, and since they didn’t get to do grow their natural style up as a child, they will have to do it as an adult. When the individual understands what this growing up process looks like, the individual can be kind to themselves as they evolve, knowing that on the other side of that growth curve (which tends to occur very rapidly) is the joy and contentment and sense of well-being they seek. And when the family understands, they can be more understanding and supportive through the growth process.

Many people need help growing up their natural style when they didn’t get to do that as a child. That’s where a good coach comes in. But, before you, as her coach, can help her, she needs to get past the mask and discover her true self. That’s where CORE MAP shines. It gets right to the core of who the individual is and uncovers all those old programs that have held them back. Once people see their truth, they are able to get out of the old box rather quickly because nature itself help to move their development along. And, by the way, everyone loves their authentic self. I have never seen a single exception.

To eliminate the “bi-polar” condition, ignore it. It’s a symptom; an effect, not a cause. The cause is her need to express her true self and to live authentically, free from the constraints of the past. Help her do that. Since she is on so much medication, be sure to have her work closely with her doctor to wean off of it when she finds she doesn’t need it anymore. If the doctor she has now refuses to help her get off the meds (and, unfortunately, some do) suggest that she find another doctor who will help her move toward true health and happiness.

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The White Male Advantage

I have been keenly aware of the subtle ways in which the masses are manipulated and stereotyped for years, yet until recently I completely missed how ingrained and pervasive the stereotypes are. It happened one crisp autumn day two years ago on the last day of a three day marketing summit. This summit was put together by a woman who considers herself a thought leader and, as it applies to marketing, she surely is. But like most of the rest of us, she is blind to the subtle manipulations that direct our thoughts, beliefs and actions, and affect the way we live our lives in ways few even imagine. Until that day even I, being acutely aware of stereotypes and subtle manipulations, had missed what was happening in that arena. And until I saw it, I had also missed the subtle and insidious dynamic that surrounds us all every day.

On that third day, the woman who put the event together brought all the presenters who had contributed up onstage to form a “panel of experts” for a question and answer session.  As I sat there looking at the “experts” assembled on the stage, it hit me. On that stage sat ten presenters and of the ten, there were two women (one of which was the event organizer) and eight white men.

This mix in no way reflected the audience which was about 75% women and 15% non-white males.  White males represented only about 10% of the audience. This disparity can be found just about everywhere. We see it in governmental positions of power and in large corporations the world over. We see it in the pulpits, on conference stages, and in almost every form of media.

I can understand it in the government and big corporations because they move very slowly and are often far behind the curve, but this was a cutting-edge event put together by a bright, relatively enlightened woman.

As I pondered how there could still be an obvious white male advantage even in an arena such as this, the words of Eleanor Roosevelt came to mind, “No one can make you inferior without your consent.” Right behind those words came the realization that that is exactly what we have done—not consciously mind you, this is totally under the radar even for most men, but we’ve done it nonetheless.

In spite of the laws on the books; in spite of the equal opportunity act, in spite of all the marches and demonstrations by those fighting for equality, we have continued to give our consent to white males to remain superior. Females and minorities continue to allow white males to reign and the females and minorities continue to take lesser roles. And almost no one sees this.

Most white males will tell you there is no advantage to their station in life. Some even insist that being a white male is a disadvantage. They point to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) and the Affirmative Action act, which were established to help level the playing field for minority and underrepresented groups. These actions were taken in the first place to counter the effects of a history of discrimination and now exist as legal requirements, at least in the United States.

However, as the enactment and repeal of prohibition has demonstrated, morality and mindset cannot be legislated and, as it turns out, neither can equality. Though there are laws on the books designed to prevent discrimination in the United States, they don’t change our stereotypical concepts which are regularly fed to us in millions of subtle ways.

Let’s look at some of the many ways society continues to fuel the stereotypes:

  • Go to a couple of sites that sell photos and do a search using the term “success” or “leaders” or  “successful leaders” and notice the numbers of pictures available of white males versus those of females or people of other races.
  • Go into any corporation and look at the pictures of top leaders hanging on the walls.
  • Pick up the business section of a newspaper and look at the top level executive promotions.
  • Look at the line up of top generals in the military.
  • Take a look at the members of the House and the Senate in Washington D.C.
  • Go to the top speaker’s bureaus and look at the list of top speakers and trainers.
  • Go to online to Fortune Magazine’s list of the wealthiest people in America

What you will discover in each instance is that about 95% of them are white males.

It’s easy to assume that white males are just smarter, but research does not bear that out.  In fact, as an astute observer of this phenomenon, I have seen many instances where the women and minorities who get passed over are actually much brighter and more polished than the white men that get chosen. That was certainly the case in that summit that day. I sat there looking at these wholly unremarkable men and realized that the only thing they had that many of the women and minorities in the audience didn’t have was permission to step out and proclaim their right to power.

Where did they get the idea they had that right? From years of gender bias that refuses to go away. If you doubt this, go into any toy store and wander through the toy aisles. What you will find in the section for boys are power toys with bold, bright colors. You will find super-heroes and dragons to conquer. You will find trucks and tractors and building blocks. You will find footballs and basketballs and other kinds of sports equipment—all screaming “claim your power!” Oh yes, and notice too that most of the super-heroes are white and the villains are dark.

Then take a stroll through the aisles of girl’s toys. There you will find two primary colors: pink and lilac—soft “girly” colors. You will find dolls and dishes and other domestically inclined items like Easy Bake Ovens and doll houses. You will find makeup and glitter and frilly “princess” dresses—and even high heel shoes. About the most ambitious things you will find are nurses kits and pink, flowery guitars and microphones. And what do all these toys scream? “You’re a girl. Your value is in being a good little wife taking care of the home and the babies—by the way—you need to look pretty while you are busy taking care of everyone else. If you must do something outside the home, you must still be a care-taker like a teacher or can be a nurse, or maybe you can entertain us—but don’t try to be powerful!”

Oh, yes, the messages are still alive and well and presented every single day. Most are so subtle that they slip right past us, and perhaps that’s what’s intended.

Don’t let them slip past you. Pay attention to the many ways women and minorities are still being brainwashed into thinking they are, and should be, inferior. Start noticing the not-so-subtle toy selections and the sometimes subtle and sometimes blatantly sexist advertising we are bombarded with. Take the Bounty paper towel commercial, for instance, where a male child spills something on the floor and his dad looks over and merely speculates that it will take 2 sheets to clean up the mess.  As the two males ponder the mess, mom, who obviously has lots of experience cleaning up such messes, pulls off one sheet and cleans it up. Notice that mom does not ponder. Mom does not suggest that the boy, who made the mess, take a single sheet and clean it up. She does it herself as the males look on. Then there’s the beer commercial where a man is dabbing grease from a pizza and a big beer can drops on him because he isn’t being tough or manly enough.

Children start getting these messages almost from birth so, by the time we get to adulthood, we just take for granted that’s the way things are.

Worse yet these false perceptions are “validated” by gender studies, almost all of which are performed using college students. What’s wrong with that? Nothing, if you don’t mind highly skewed data. You see, the vast majority of college students are still very outer-focused. They still care most about fitting in and, how do you do that? You identify yourself with the norm. And what is the norm?  It’s the long held stereotypes.

The vast majority of people don’t begin to look inward for their truth until their late twenties to mid-thirties and until they do that, they never question stereotypical assumptions .

Stereotypes are harmful even to people who actually fit them because they lead us to generalize behaviors and put everyone into predefined boxes. John Grey’s descriptions of “Mars” and “Venus” are classic male and female stereotypes and those who buy into them inadvertently create all kinds of problems for themselves, their spouses and their children.

I can’t tell you the numbers of clients I have had over the years whose entire lives were derailed by parents who rejected their feeling male because he wasn’t tough enough or who constrained their strong daughter telling her she needed to be meek to “please the Lord” or some other such nonsense. More lives, marriages, families and societies are destroyed by stereotypes (including religious stereotypes) than by any other thing I can think of.

Until we all become aware of stereotypes and how they adversely affect our lives, there will continue to be a white male advantage in the United States and a male advantage worldwide.

I’m not suggesting revolution here; just evolution. Evolution of our awareness and the way we convey our truth to our children. If all of us who genuinely seek equality, both male and female or every race, realize how damaging stereotypes are to everyone and speak out; if we refuse to play the stereotype games, perhaps someday women and minorities will stop consenting to inferiority and claim their right to be powerful too. When they do, there’s no question the whole world will be a better place.

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Personality and Gender Differences

Q – Almost all assessments such as Meyers-Briggs and DISC show a rather strong difference between the preferences and behaviors of males and females, yet that isn’t reflected in CORE MAP. Why is that?

A – Assessments like Meyers-Briggs and DISC are designed to measure self-perception. CORE MAP gets past self-perception and to the true nature. Most societies are build around the paternalistic model which is full of spoken and unspoken rules that dictate how people are to behave. In such societies, which includes almost all of them including the U. S. and Europe, men are valued for being strong, decisive and capable of supporting their family. Women are valued for taking care of others and for their looks.

Being strong, decisive and capable requires calling on the thinking function (Commander and Organizer) and for those who are expected to lead the way, the extroverted thinking function (Commander).  Taking care of others requires calling on the feeling function – preferably introverted feeling (Relater) and looking pretty requires calling on the extroverted feeling function (Entertainer).

Because of the societal bias and the fact that our number one human need (for both males and females) is to be valued, we learn very early to play the game. In the process, we get stuck in those stereotypical boxes and many don’t even know they are there.

The reality is there are as many thinking females as there are males and there are a many feeling males as there are females. It’s just that society discourages thinking and determination in women and feeling tenderness in men.  Young girls who display thinking and determination are often labeled as “tomboys” and young boys who display feeling or tenderness are labeled as “sissies.” Both the labels and the insinuations that come with them are often enough to force the child into the accepted box where far too many remain trapped for life.

See the article I am about to post called “The White Male Advantage” to see how insidious this is.

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How CORE Types Align with Eric Berne’s Inner States

QI studied Transactional Analysis in college and am struck by the fact that your descriptions of positive and negative types somehow fit Eric Berne’s model. I’m not quite sure how though. Is there a correlation there? 

A – Psychologist, Eric Berne, the developer of Transactional Analysis, identified four primary states that all people have; the Adult, the Exacting (or Critical) Parent, the Nurturing Parent and the Natural Child.  He also identified a wounded child, but this is actually the natural child that has been conditioned by negative influences and is still caught in the negative dynamic.  The wounded child is often seen in undeveloped individuals, but can also remain even when the other aspects of self have been developed to healthier levels.

When comparing the four CORE types to Eric Berne’s four primary states, we can see that they do correlate with the four primary states. The CORE types and the positive to negative range actually expands on Berne’s model.

We all have all four styles and all four states.  We just use each of them with varying degrees of ease or effort. Here’s how the CORE Types align with the internal states described by Berne:

Commander Traits Align with the Adult State

On the positive end, the Adult is a mature, rational decision-maker that examines every situation logically, tests probabilities, ensures that reason reigns and emotional expression is appropriate to the situation.

One the negative end, the Adult becomes overly rational and disconnected from emotions; more robot-like – just moving relentlessly forward, making sure everything is controlled and things are getting done. Since emotions are not part of the robotic approach to accomplishment, the Negative adult can be cold and even cruel.

Organizer Traits Align with the Exacting Parent State

On the positive end, the Exacting Parent takes care of the details and oversees activities to ensure that nothing goes wrong. This is the parent aspect that acts as a protector, watching out for what might go wrong and issuing warnings so danger and mistakes can be avoided.

On the negative end, the Exacting Parent becomes overly critical, pointing out everything that is wrong or could go wrong, not just in the environment, but in the individual. The Critical Parent is a brow-beater that demands perfection and is quick to criticize anything that falls short of that perfect ideal.

Relater Traits Align with the Nurturing Parent State

On the positive end, the Nurturing Parent encourages, motivates, expresses faith in abilities and acts as the child’s champion.

On the negative end, the Nurturing Parent becomes over-protective, coddling, and too cautious and careful, which promotes fear and smothers initiative.

Entertainer Traits Align with the Natural Child State

On the positive end, the Natural Child loves to explore and experience life in all its fullness, to play and enjoy life.  The Natural Child loves to invent, create, learn and explore. It is bold and ever open to discovering new and interesting things; to connecting with people and finding ways to enjoy the moment (play).

On the negative end, the Natural Child is wounded and, rather than being a free spirit, becomes needy. The wounded child is fearful and needs attention, and will do whatever it takes to get it.

Wherever you find a wounded child, you will find a critical parent (negative Organizer), a fearful parent (negative Relater), or a demanding adult (negative Commander) Generally, where there is a negative aspect to one of the other styles the Child aspect is wounded.

One common pattern you will see on the CORE Effectiveness Graph is high mid-zone and/or negative scores in Organizer and a very low mid-zone score in Entertainer. The low mid-zone score in Entertainer indicates lack of self-care or consideration, which suggests that the wounded child is still being wounded, only now the wounds are coming from the internal critic rather than from the external world. It is not uncommon for an individual with such a pattern to be in an unhealthy relationship though, which can continue to trigger the old pattern.

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Why the Meyer-Briggs Type Indicator Got It Wrong

Q – On my CORE MAP I show up as a Commander/Entertainer and the Commander influence is a very strong. My facilitator tells me I am a “double extrovert” since both Commander and Entertainer are extroverted styles. I feel fully aligned with the description of Commander/Entertainer and have no doubt that is my true style. Yet every Myers-Briggs (MBTI) assessment I have ever taken says I am an introvert. How is that possible?

A –The description of an extrovert on the MBTI assessment and even on the Big 5, which is highly prized among psychologists and researchers, leads one to believe that extroversion and sociability are one and the same. This is erroneous. Sociability is just one aspect of extroversion. The true definition of extroversion is “the act, state, or habit of being predominantly concerned with and obtaining gratification from what is outside the self” (Merriam-Webster Dictionary). Even this definition doesn’t provide the whole picture, but please notice that there is nothing in this definition that indicates sociability.

Extroversion and Introversion refer to how we approach life. Introverts approach life cautiously. Extroverts approach life boldly.

Commanders and Entertainers, being extroverts, both approach life boldly, but they do it in different ways. There are two ways to extrovert energy: action and interaction.

Entertainers are feeling types who love people and new experiences so their style of extroversion is interaction, which includes sociability, but also includes interacting with life (I. E; being playful and adventurous)

Commanders are thinking types; they extrovert their energy through action. Their focus is on getting things done and, unless their Commander style is strongly influenced by a secondary Entertainer style, they tend to avoid social situations. Commanders like to feel in control of their surroundings and social situations are unpredictable. Put a Commander in a business setting however, and they are just as bold in dealing with people as are Entertainers, but they are focused on getting something done, not on being sociable.

Assessments, such as the MBTI and most of the others out there, which focus primarily on sociability when testing for extroversion, fail to include the action aspect, which is why those who lead with Commander, as you do, frequently inadvertently skew the results.

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What’s at the Core of Yo-Yo Weight Loss and Gain?

Q – I have a question about dieting.  I have lost and gained 1000 to 2000 pounds in my lifetime.  I am either gaining weight or I am losing weight.  It seems that a healthy mind and body should know what to eat, how much to eat and when to eat, but that doesn’t seem to be the case for most people.  If a person is eating the right things at the right time and in the right amounts it stands to reason that their weight would be right for their body type.

My question is, why are there so many overweight people and does body type, metabolism and the ability to manage weight well have any connection to personality or is it more about mental or emotional programs? 

A – There is evidence that body type and personality are correlated to some degree, but the lines are not as clear as some would like us to believe. It is unlcear whether life experiences shape the body or the body type shapes life experiences since both occur so early in life.

All babies come into the world looking pretty much the same as far a body type goes. The shaping begins to occur around age two, which interestingly is about the age when children begin to buy into the beliefs of the significant people around them (parents, siblings, teachers, ministers, etc.).  Babies are also pretty much the same as far as their preference for gender related activities go (see my blog post on gender). As children grow older, they tend to prefer one behavior or activity over another. This is in part due to their innate personality and in part due to the world they grow up in.

Let’s take a few examples and see how they relate to personality. Commander personalities are naturally bold and driven to accomplish so it is not uncommon for  those with Commander as a dominant or strong secondary style to enjoy athletic competition.  It is also not uncommon for them to have the body type known as mesoporph (which is a sturdy, muscular body type where the chest tends to be more prominent than the belly). In this case we could ask, does the innate drive to achieve create the muscular body or is the muscular body part of the Commander package?

Another example would be Organizers who are by nature introverts and more driven to be precise and get things right than to achieve in sports, or anything else not considered to be of a serious nature. Organizers, especially True Organizers who don’t have much influence from their secondary style, often have the body type known as ectomorph (which is a thin, wiry body without a lot of muscle definition). Organizers prefer things that require deep thought, such as science, math and engineering. Unless Commander is their secondary style, they aren’t too driven to compete in a physical way. So here, as with the Commander types, the question is whether the body type is a result of behaviors or of genetics.

The two feeling styles, Relater and Entertainer, often have the body type known as endomorph (fleshy, low muscle definition, belly tends to be more prominent than the chest). This may be due to their focus on people rather than physical activities and, perhaps to their love of exploration and unique experiences, which might include experiencing different kinds of food.  Entertainers and those with Entertainer as a strong secondary style also love adventure too, which can keep many of them quite active. This often takes the form of traveling or gathering experiences, rather that of extreme sports unless Commander is their secondary style.  In that case, they tend to be real daredevils, and tend to lean more in the direction of the mesomorph body type.

Here is an Illustration of the Body Types

Body Types

More certain, where it comes to weight management and fitness, is whether the core issue is programming or genetics.

There is no question that it is mental programming and the choices such programming leads to that creates the conditions under which we do things that are not in our best interest.

As the developer of the Rapidly Accelerated Mind Patterning (RAMP) Method and the originator of the CORE MAP assessment, I have worked with people at both conscious and subconscious levels for years and I have found 100% of the time, when there is an issue that is tripping people up, the source is subconscious programming. And, as soon as the source cause is removed, so too is are the choices and behaviors.

Most of the programming goes way back even farther than we can even begin to remember consciously. Take for example, the man whose mother intended to nurse him when he was born and diligently tried for almost two weeks before discovering that she was not producing any milk. He cried all night the first few weeks of his life because he was hungry and that event shaped his experience of food for the next 55 years.  This was discovered during a RAMP session and once the issue was resolved internally, it automatically resolved externally.

All failures are due to one or both of just two things; internal programs or lack of know how (external knowledge). In the information age we live in, having weight issues is certainly not due to lack of information. The information is everywhere and you can learn just about anything you need to know for free. The problem in every case I have ever seen is internal programs.

The problem with the information part is that there is a lot of false information out there and unless people are aware of what is true and what is not, they can think they are eating right and not be. The food and drug administration is appallingly lax in what it allows food manufacturers to claim. For example, a bakery can claim bread is “whole wheat” if it has just 7% whole grain flour in it. A food manufacturer can claim a food is “all natural” even if it has a ton of refined sugar or refined flour in it because the FDA considers sugar and flour (even the refined stuff) natural ingredients.

So part of a weight loss program would need to be educating people to read labels and know what “foods” to avoid. For example; for years manufacturers filled food and even created “food” (margarine, for example) with hydrogenated oils, which are artery-clogging, heart-stopping transfats, and no one knew to avoid them. Healthy eating advocates like Dr. Andrew Weil helped to expose that and now manufacturers have to report transfats in food. Many people are still are not aware that transfats are a problem and continue to consume food containing them.

Learning what to eat and what to avoid is easy to do, but first you have to know there is a need to learn. Most people trust manufacturers to produce good products and to tell the truth about them. When you start researching nutrition facts and reading labels however, you discover how far from the truth that is. Foods are manufactured for shelf life, not for human health. They are so full of chemicals and processed ingredients that even a bug won’t eat them, and let me tell you, if a bug won’t eat something, neither should a human.

There a program on television called Extreme Weight Loss where a trainer, Chris Powell, takes an obese person and helps them lost a hundred or more pounds in a year. Every single one of the people he works with has an emotional reason for eating which is not addressed in a way that removes the core issue. I would love to know how these people fare after Chris Powell steps out of the picture. I suspect that within three years 95% of the people he works with will have gained back most, if not all of the weight, and then some.

By getting to the core issues and updating the programs, excess weight, like so many other things in life we don’t want or need, falls away effortlessly and automatically.

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Right-Brain Types in a Left-Brain World

Q – When I am feeling pressured my mind goes into mass confusion. This has caused me problems all my life, in school, in business, everywhere. This often happens when I feel like I am being judged. Also, I get upset when people fail to see my logic, or don’t understand me and I think they should, which seems to happen a lot. Confused2

 A – Brain scramble or mass confusion generally occurs as a result of being a right-brain person trying to conform to a left-brain world. It’s the result of trying to make your brain work in linear fashion when it is wired to function in a more circular, relational or associative fashion. Entertainers are right-brain processors.

The reason you experience what feels like mass confusion when you feel like you are being judged is because one of Entertainer’s highest needs is to be appreciated. Right-brain people in a left-brain world often get negative feedback because they are not acting the way the LBs think they should. You grew up in a world where your free spirit and quick mind didn’t fit the prescribed norms so, as with most Entertainers (especially Entertainer males) you were frequently being judged. Right-brain people (Entertainer and Relater) are also people-oriented, feeling types and are highly aware of the feedback they get from people. Because their brains don’t follow the linear path of Left-brain types and because the left-brain types are the ones who set up schools, business rules and the society we live in, right-brain types are frequently aware of being judged and frequently struggle to fit in.

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